I was in New Jersey last month to visit my family. My dad asked me to come in early April because my mom’s health has been deteriorating. This is partly why I haven’t blogged in weeks or spent much time on Instagram. As some of you may know from reading previous posts (Alzheimer’s clothing – sewing patterns for women or My mom’s last sewing machine), my mother has dementia.
She taught me and my sisters how to use her sewing machine and made most of our clothes when we were young girls.
Finding photos
While I was there, my two younger sisters and I spent an afternoon going through boxes of photos and photo albums, looking for photos of my mom. They will be part of an eventual slide show for her funeral. I know that sounds rather morbid but it was better that we share this responsibility in advance rather than doing it at the last minute. We enjoyed going through the many photos and finding images that we hadn’t seen in decades or had never seen before.
I found this photo in a small box. My dad said it was taken before they married, sometime in the early 1960s.
The box had a few other black-and-white photos that I had never seen before, like this one with her beehive hairdo.
I’m not sure where this photo was taken but I like her style.
I also discovered this grade school photo of me. There wasn’t a date on it but I think I was likely in second or third grade. I’m wearing a top my mom made.
My mom today
My mother is now in a wheelchair, living in a nursing home, and really can’t eat solid foods. As a result, she’s lost a significant amount of weight, which was hard to see. She still recognized me and actually responded when I asked her if she was tired. “Extremely” was her response. I’m really glad I was able to visit.
This is a photo of her hand in mine during a visit to her nursing home.
My parents have been married for more than 50 years. They had never lived apart until my mom had to move into a nursing home about a year and a half ago when she began to have trouble walking and it was too difficult for my dad to care for her at home.
If your parents are still alive, take time to talk to them – especiallly while they can still respond to you and can remember events that occurred in the past. If you have any questions about their childhood or your own, ask them now. Life is precious and you never know what will happen.
I came across these posts while doing a Google search on “Scandinavia 200” which is one of the sewing machines I bought my wife eons ago. It’s now in the shop and the part needed to fix it may not be available. I offered to buy her a new sewing machine but she loves her “old” one and has a custom sewing table and accessories that match it. As a result of this search I found your blog and a used Scandinavia 200 for sale 60 miles away in another Chicago suburb so I bought it. If my wife’s “old” one can be fixed, she’ll have a backup with no learning curve; if not, the “new” one should “fit” and work with all of her accessories. (I must be getting old to find Valentine’s Day excitement in finding a used sewing machine on E-bay an hour away from us!)
But your blog was also a find. I don’t know a damn thing about sewing except buttons (which my quilter wife never does, lucky her). Your stories about your mom and her sewing machine — wow! Think of the labor of love in all of those clothes she made for you and your sisters. They may not be “designer pieces” but they sure are priceless! And by using her sewing machine there’s a part of her in all of your projects.
Thank you so much for commenting about your sewing machine experience! It was very nice of you to search for a used Scandinavia 200 for your wife – and drive 60 miles for it, too. I’m sure she’s grateful to have a backup – a wonderful Valentine’s Day present!
It is very nice to have my mom’s machine – you said it so well – it is like a part of her is in what I sew.
Dear Chuleenan, My heart goes out to you. I helped my mom pass through the same phase of her life. She died from complications from dementia on Mother’s Day weekend 2016. I agree whole heartedly with your comments of seizing the moments your loved ones remember you and the days when visits are good. They become fewer and fewer along the journey, but they are there. I will share that months had gone by prior to my mother’s passing where not a sound coming from her lips made any sense and I was certain she did not recognize me, and then 3 days before she passed, I will never forget this, she found clarity and said out loud “I love you so much!”. those were the last 5 words I heard from her. Everyone in her corridor, the residents who could understand and the kind caregivers in the room, stopped, clasped hands and smiled. I will never forget it. And I believe she knows that and took that moment with her too when she left us. I will be praying for you and your family.
Sending so much love to you, and wishing your entire family peace and comfort. <3 I've watched two grandparents suffer from Alzheimer's and the mix of emotions (mine) made coping with their diagnoses that much more challenging; it's such a cruel disease for all involved, and I'm very sorry that it has affected someone so close to you. (One small mercy for me was the extra distance between a child and their grandparents–I saw far less of the harrowing nature of Alzheimer's than their own children and spouses did.) I was always thankful for "good" days and moments, and I'm so glad that your mom knew you when you visited.
Such beautiful photos, Chuleenan! How wonderful you were able to spend this time with your mom.
Thank you Olgalyn. Yes, it was good to see her. 🙂
What a beautiful, meaningful post. Thank you for sharing such lovely words and photographs of your dear mom. My sister and I recently found handmade cocktail dresses our Japanese grandmother made for herself when she was a singer in a Japanese bar during my mom’s childhood. Since she couldn’t afford to purchase dresses at a department store, she would spot one she liked and then design her own pattern to make it herself. Handmade fashion and your mom’s personal style is such a beautiful tribute to her creativity.
Thank you for your comments. How lovely that you found your grandmother’s handmade dresses – a wonderful keepsake.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, Chuleenan. It is one of the hardest things to deal with, having a parent with dementia. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Thank you, Jennifer.
My thoughts are with you and your mom. I love the photos, she is so stylish!
Thanks, Angie. It was great to find the old photos. Yes, she was quite stylish back then. 🙂
My heart goes out to you. My mother in law had dementia for a couple years before she died. Unfortunately, her husband of 62 years passed six months before her and the hardest part was when she kept asking for him. It is wonderful that you went to see here and you ad your sisters had that time together. It’s not morbid, it is important to be able to share your memories while you are not rushed and thinking of other things.
Thank you, Linda. Yes, it was good to see her and the rest of my family.